With apologies to Stanley Holloway

by **Dave** » 30 Aug 2006, 21:03

There's a noted seaside resort called Scarborough
Not noted for fresh air and fun
We're wrapping up warm and goin' up theer
Int'search of summat called "Sun"

We'll be searching for our cousin called Albert
We an't seen 'im since 'eaven knows when
Ee were last eard of in Blackpool
Tekkin a stick into yon lion's den.

'Appen we don't get to see 'im
We'll offer a prayer up to God
Then nip dahn t'seafront reight smartish
For a big bag o' chips and some cod.

Then into a pub for some Tetley's
That giant amongst Yorkshire beer
Then onto t'train back home again
Sayin' " Eeeh that were grand, wont it dear".
We'll do it a little moor often
'Cos I can't be doin' wi Greece
Only thing there is good food and fresh air
And all that peace, bloody perfect peace !

And Ah dunt wont that, A'hm from Yorkshire
I dunt wont to be avin' some fun
So ah'm off up t'zoo to upset them too
Now pass me that stick, Albert, son !

Ah'll poke im in t'ear
And drink some more beer and tell im he's nowt but a runt
Ee's no chance o bein' a real jungle cat
Till he's vicious like Will, what a - (from here on in, it is self censored on the basis that it would be unfair to The Symi Visitor, the moderator and methodist churchgoers. But it was funny though, even if I do say so myself ........ unexpurgated version is available by application only to my e-mail address - and then, only if you're lucky and promise to buy me a beer if we meet!)